Monday, September 12, 2011
My name is Meagan K. and I'm an addict and alcoholic, and I have an eating disorder. I like to think my disease is multi-talented and can manifest itself in any number of ways. I also think I was born this way, my disease has been my only constant companion in my 27 years. I didn't have a traumatic childhood, came from a good family, and I still started looking for ways to alter the way I felt by age 12. It started the way most of us start, smoking cigarettes at the bus stop, drinking our parents liquor, and stealing my step dad's weed. Well I guess that last one isn't very normal, but it was to me. It was a perfect situation, because my Mom didn't know he smoked, so even when he caught me, it wasn't like he could tell her! Yes, I was a master manipulator from an early age, something I'm not proud of today. My disease was stagnant for the next few years, I continued to smoke and drink when I could, but the progression and intensity of my illness didn't take hold until my eighteenth year. I had recently moved out of my Mothers home(she had ditched the pot head by now), and with my new-found freedom, I drank took pills and got in way over my head very quickly. It was around this time I was introduced to ecstasy, cocaine, special K, acid and mushrooms. I did the others when I could, but cocaine became the love of my life. When I did it, I felt smart, pretty, skinny and on top of the world! It only took about a year and a half for me to loose my job, loose my house, and send my family into the absolute chaos that is an addicts life. By age 21 I was a shadow of my former self. My family organized an intervention and off to treatment I went. I went to the Pine Grove Women's Center in Hattiesburg, MS. It was a 90 day inpatient treatment facility and I owe them my life today. I learned about recovery,and got to know myself for the first time. It was a magical time in my life, one I will never forget. After the inpatient program, I went on to stay in a halfway house in Hattiesburg. But at 5 1/2 months, I was done being clean. I drank, developed the phenomenon of craving and back to Richmond I came. After about two weeks(if that) I was smoking crack, something I had always vowed not to do. I was flopping on random couches, no job, no home, and no hope. I went along like that about a year until I was introduced to my friend heroin. Ahhh, now this was what I had been searching all my life for. Over the next year I continued down a path of destitution and degradation I still find appalling. In the summer of 2008, I was on the streets in the Highland Park area of Richmond. I had nothing left. My family had finally thrown in the towel as well, and I was out of options. I convinced some guy to pay for a hotel room for me so I could detox myself. Seven long days later, I had the dope out of my system, but still didn't have any ideas as to what was next. That was when I got a phone call from this guy named Peter. I don't know why I answered, why i agreed to meet with him, or why I immidiately trusted him with my life. The only explanation I have is my higher power doing for me what I could not do for myself. I entered the Mcshin program angry, hostile and broken. They helped me. Even once I relapsed and was asked to leave, they helped me find somewhere else to go and have continued to play an integral role in my recovery. With their help, a support group, and my higher power, and a twelve step program, I have been clean for three years next week. It works- if you live it!