Tuesday, June 2, 2015
I started smoking Marijuana when I was 14 years old. I smoked it all the way up to age 35, which is my current age. This is the first time in 20 years I've gone clean from smoking Marijuana. I've only known to get high with everything I do. I have a twin sister and she suffers from alcoholism. I saw her get clean about 10 years ago, she had 7 years sober and now she's out and still drinking. I've always been an isolator. I've always been independent, a loner, because of that I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. Sex part goes along with that. I'm doing what I love as a profession. I'm in the music business. I'm coming to grips with what it takes to be in the music business. The back stage smoking pot and the crowed, I try to get that under control. I tried recovery before about 15 years ago. I thought I was different, I didn't want to do the work. I thought I had the will power to stop. I was doing good but then I never really got control. In my 20's I started doing the harder stuff. My bestfriend and cousin were murdered around the same time. I've seen his whole family fall apart because of it. I'm still trying to deal with that mentally and haven't really talked to anyone about it yet. Grew up in Hampton. I was very active in sports in high school. I played baseball, and eventually lost interested due to the drugs and all. My father is a functioning alcoholic. I think thats where my sister got it from. I have an uncle who's a heroine addict, and I think thats where I got it from. Just from being told certain things, I think thats where it got passed down. I have two dogs, they're my children. It took me a year of not using to stop and asked for help. I lived in fear of losing everything I worked so hard to create. I've done various forms of work. Sales with Pepsi and Cola. Hospitality business, music business. I've learned how to sell certain things to people whether its manipulating or trying other ways. I had a truck repossessed because I was using the money for other things. I've been in McShin a little more than a week. It was tough the first couple days. It's hard for me to warm up to people I don't know, people younger than me, complete strangers. I have trouble finding ways to relate with people I haven't met. I've had to humble myself a lot. Taking suggestions and being told what to do, is something I'm learning today. I've had an open mind the whole week when it comes to taking suggestions. I'm in the McSunny house. There was some theft going on and I personally experienced it. I was trying to figure out in my head how to fix the problem. Recently developed some friendships with some of the guys. I feel more comfortable about asking them for rides and stuff. I have two vehicles by the McSunny house, but I can't drive for 30 days. I'm learning how to rely on my peers. I got a sponsor. We've been to three meetings together and he gave me homework to do. I had to read who was an addict, and my name is all over that story. I'm coming to grips with step one. To admit to it. I joined a home group. Wednesday night taps meeting here at Hatcher. I have daily goals everyday. My weekly goal is to help out at the house a little more. I want to provide more community service to the house. I want to get a job and my vehicle back by the end of this month. I'm seeing sobriety in people and its something that I want. I see many fun things that McShin is putting on and I'm very interested in those. I love the calendar events. I see myself giving back to the recovery community. There are many events where I have to opportunity to meet other recovering addicts. I've been going through withdrawals, I've had headaches everyday. I had horrible dreams and nightmares the first couple days here. I was told I yelled for help in my sleep. The side effects of going through withdrawals. I've had people open up to me, since I've opened up about my recovery. They've opened up about theirs. I saw another coworker last night at a meeting who had over a year clean and I wanted that. I saw the sobriety that I wanted. He knew I smoked pot but didn't know about my harder drug issues. I want my family to come up for one of the Family night dinners. They live so far away that it might be a surprise if I see them. But its important to have the family aspect. My older brother told me that if I didn't get help, I would just continue down the path I am and I've now accepted it. Meeting other addicts in the same job community, its very interesting to me. How they deal with their problems interests me in how to help with my recovery. My main thing is that I want to give back to my community. Because I'm in the music business I would love to have recovery concerts and things to give back to the community. Through it all I've been told one day at a time.